you haven't passed blue (in swimming class)
You haven't passed blue
in swimming class
And you cant be
the silver certificate
who saves me
if i drown
Please tell me
how could it be
that i could have
swam through
so many different seas
without you knowing
without you watching over me?
One thousand beautiful words
tunes
or images
could not have bailed me out of this dilemma
my friend
Did you even know?
that as i treaded through currents
I was straining
I was choking
I have to admit now
That I haven't passed blue
But who are you?
To criticize my erratic strokes
and panicked breathing
(you told me i did the "scissor kick")
You were never my teacher
I justified my unskilled strokes
on the premise that
I was just trying to stay alive
And if it's true
that we all die
someday
then i would contest that
I was just trying to
fully experience
the true essence of
God's force in nature
Of which I now know
is instilled with the beauty
and brute force
of the currents
that is ultimately
and neccesarily
dependent on
the will
of mother earths' charms
Who is indeed
all powerful
pure
cold
beautiful
and unforgiving
Who is one
that i
will never
try to challenge again
Until i have passed blue
posted by Anita @ 5:55 PM
5 Comments:
i think i've said before that i feel like a bit of a freak for looking at your blog, but i have to tell you, anita, that you have an interesting talent as a writer, and it's great to see you revising and improving your work. i agree that the first version was kind of jumpy. this one is much stronger, and quite appropriate somehow with the hidden pain yet flowing beauty of the photo of you connected to it.
nah you shouldn't feel like a freak, IM the one who owns a blog and posts things for everyone to see, so there must be a reason for that (although i dont really know the reason).
yep this one is definitely better, but really different. i feel like i almost lost some of the good parts of the original one about the shark that i still like. but that maybe belongs somewhere else. i feel like when i rewrite some things, then they are always neccessarily different because i am feeling a different way on that particular day. hard to maintain the feeling that goes with the images that were in the original words, and so different themes and images come out. in that way, the final product ends up being a completely different beast. thats ok though i think. dont really know what that means, im an amateur after all.
poetry and prose are two very different things. with prose, it's all re-writing, shaping, and trying to get the idea just right. with poetry, frequently the very best stuff just rolls out without even really being thought about. another way of saying that might be that pure poetry is like playing an instrument: you're really only doing it when it's basically doing you. sometimes the best things have no reason at all...
this is so potent!
i like the images and the voice is really strong.
i dont know, still dont really like it.
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